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Love Yourself First!

Valentine’s Day has just passed, and many of us find it easy to show affection to others, but there are still those who have difficulty doing the same to us. Doing good and being compassionate towards others is common in our lives. However, do we love ourselves? When facing problems and experiencing difficult times, we often get stuck in negative things. We often criticize, blame ourselves, and consider ourselves the worst and useless. These kinds of feelings and thoughts don’t help us to improve, in fact, they make things worse. Have we ever thought about how we talk and understand ourselves? Would it be the same if we understood others?

On the 11th of February 2023, Act Global held a virtual learning program on “Self Compassion” with Ayu Paramita Antari, M.Psi., Psychologist. Together with the guest speaker, Ayu Paramita will discuss self-compassion.

Self-Compassion: What is it?

According to Christopher Germer, Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others. Based on the virtual learning program with Ayu Paramita, it can be seen more clearly that self-compassion is the ability to face life with an open heart so that one can be good (no judgment) when facing difficulties, shortcomings, and failures in life. In simple terms, self-compassion is an attitude of being able to accept oneself when it is okay or not okay without conditions.

Even deeper, in self-compassion, there are several things, including:

Self Kindness

Understand yourself by increasing kindness and understanding to your own capacity. Not self-judgment.

Common Humanity

The understanding of “humans” is imperfect, suffering, failure, and mistakes will certainly be experienced and passed by everyone. With compassion for ourselves, we see “pain” from various perspectives. When we have an understanding of common humanity, we will not feel alone. Makes us feel less isolated. Accept pain without suffering.

Mindfulness

A person’s ability to recognize and acknowledge unpleasant experiences such as feelings of guilt, loneliness, and sadness. Mindfulness is an antidote to overthinking and over-identification. In a world full of doing, doing, doing. It’s important to take a moment to just breathe, to just be.

Myths and facts of self-compassion:

Myth: Self-compassion makes us weak and miserable.

Fact: Self-compassion makes us find inner strength which makes us do better problem-solving.

Myth: Self Compassion is self-indulgent.

Fact: Self-compassion is long-term awareness and acceptance and ultimately does not lead to feelings of guilt.

Myth: Self-compassion makes us narcissistic and selfish.

Fact: narcissism is isolating oneself from others (feeling the most self) and selfishness is lowering our suffering by comparing it to the suffering of others.

Myth: Self Compassion makes you lazy and unmotivated.

Fact: Self Compassion is a way to explore positive motivation from within.

Self-Compassion in Life:

1. Improves psychological health because it is negatively correlated with self-criticism, overthinking, anxiety, shame, and irrational beliefs.
2. The higher the self-compassion the lower the psychological problems.
3. The higher the self-compassion the greater the acceptance, and connection to self and others.
4. Self-compassion supports healthy living behavior.
5. Self-compassion makes coping skills better.

Resistance & Acceptable:

1. Pain is something that cannot be avoided and is a natural process.
2. When we fight/avoid pain, we will suffer even more.
3. Self-acceptance is the basis of self-compassion, accepting pain without hatred and distance.

How to check and improve self-compassion:

1. Accept and live with compassion from others.
2. Imagine the love you want to give to the person you love and care about the most, then now give that love to yourself.
3. Know and (label) your emotions.

Conclusion:

Self-compassion is an attitude of being able to accept oneself when it is okay or not okay without conditions. Where in self-compassion there is self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-compassion makes us find inner strength that makes us do better problem-solving.

Written by Ni Putu Mia Puriyanti