Volunteer's Blog

Nothing more than human

Volunteer's Blog

Bali, February 2019 (Adriano)

Sometimes we lose ourselves in the immensity of the human mind. We forgot to live in the present and that everything is ephemeral. Feelings, people, places, relationships, everything will eventually disappear. Maybe, that’s why suffering is the best thing they’ve taught us: with suffering we create in ourselves an uncomfortable space, a space where we don’t know ourselves anymore, so, the only thing we can do is to drive all our strengths to change and grow beyond what we thought it was possible.

 

 

During my stay here I have been through situations that made me rethink the brevity of life.

As in a blink of an eye five months passed, as during in this short time I’ve been living here two of my relatives left, how I felt bad. How I learned that none of this matters, every-time we feel sad, every-time we close ourselves, every-time we ignore how we feel, when this happens we are the only person with the power to choose how we deal with life. There is a multi-verse of dimensions and we have the power to choose which one we want to observe.

 

My mind wanders, therefore I am putting second thoughts on what I wrote above, perhaps suffering is, then, the worst thing they taught us. Lots of people say that life is hard, that you will suffer a lot, that you can’t control it. But in the end of the day it is in our hands, in our mind, in our soul the power to simply observe everything that goes on around us. I have tried not to judge what I feel, just observe. I have learned so much yet, there is so much to learn. I have grown so much, yet there is so much to grow.

 

 

By this, I do not mean that I feel sad, only that I feel more, so much more. The deeper I go inside of myself, the same voice whispers in to my ears this simple phrase: “You will be fine”. For a short amount of time that voice calms me down, but then my limited human mind find problems to make me think that I am not strong enough. I’ve realized that everyone feels like me sometimes, but society constructions have teach us to keep it to ourselves, to be quiet, “Don’t bother people around you with your problems”.

 

Not so long ago, we lived in a society that was all about sharing feelings, fears, food, shelter. This society still exists but it’s up to us to have the eyes to grasp it, to go make it visible to the eyes of the blind. It’s amazing how two people observing the same event can have two completely different perspectives about it. It’s amazing…

I’ve been loving how lost I felt , but this journey its coming to an end, and as the end runs towards me, everything is so much beautiful . I wish I could live everyday, thinking that I would die tomorrow, the fear of the end would make me enjoy every little detail.

 

 

I would like to finish this blog, but I can’t, isolated phrases pop into my mind, with no connection. Something like this: we are capable of embracing the rain and the sun at the same time, when that happens a gorgeous event of naturehappens, we call it rainbow.  “A rainbow is a meteorological phenomenon that is caused by reflection, refraction and dispersion of light in water droplets resulting in a spectrum of light appearing in the sky.”

So, maybe the secret to live life at is fullest potencial is to reflect, refract and disperse our thoughts, dont hold on nothing, life is nothing more than a dream, there is no past, no future, everything is changing at every second, ever decision that you make afects the next one, and every memory that you have is based on your own prespective. What are the chances of me being here? All yet none at the same time. I’ll end my blog with a quote from Ajahn Chah.

 

There are two kinds of suffering. There is the suffering you run away from, which follows you everywhere. And there is the suffering you face directly, and so become free.”