What I learned through Eid Talk with Seniors: A CSII Project

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“Not visiting parents became an act of love”

It was how we were during the pandemic outbreak, for almost 2 years we have been living strictly with health protocol and travel was also very hard to do. For almost 2 years during the festive season in Indonesia, the government makes the travel regulations stricter. Personally, I didn’t celebrate Eid-ul Fitr 2021 with my family because I wasn’t able to visit due to the pandemic outbreak.

After almost 2 years of not visiting my parents and relatives, finally in this Eid 2022, when the government lifted the travel regulation, travel has become much easier and I can celebrate this year’s Eid with my family back home. In this festive season I meet many friends as well.

Talking about Eid-ul Fitr in Indonesia where typically people will travel back home to see their families, there would be intergenerational gatherings or family reunions. And of course there would be many questions too.

In Indonesia, during festive season like this, I think it is well known that the family will ask you questions that you might find disturbing and maybe as young people it makes you insecure or annoyed somehow, such as:

“When will you graduate?”

“Do you have a partner?”

“When are you getting married?”

“When are you having kids?”

For the younger generation, I think those questions are annoying.  And for the older generation they find it funny or like a joke.

Why do I think it will make people feel insecure or annoyed?

Because I believe that every university student fights their best to finish their thesis and everyone has their struggle as well, questions like “when will you graduate?” just makes us feel worse, but maybe from the seniors perspective, they asked this question to motivate us.

Another question about partners or marriage is also very personal and some people might not prioritize it in their early twenties, or other people might want to get married but haven’t found the right partner. And older people might think that this is motivation.

For me, I left my hometown in the middle of the pandemic, and I graduated from the university online. The questions that people asked me the last time I went to visit my parents are different. 1.5 years ago, older people asked me when I would graduate and this year they asked me when I am getting married, or sometimes making jokes on how my parents want grandchildren. I don’t like this question because I’m not planning to get married anytime soon. It might sound normal to ask this question, because the females around my parents’ environment, at my age are getting married and having kids. My mom knows I don’t like these questions and she told me that I have to understand where I am from. 

Even sometimes these questions from seniors are annoying to me, but there must be 2 sides of the same coin. From meeting and talking with seniors, I can also learn about life, that they share their life experiences, sometimes I couldn’t relate as I have never experienced it, they gave me advice on many things. They have been in many life experiences before and sometimes it makes me feel like I’m in the box and I need to see the bigger picture of life that every hard moment that happens right now is not forever, that life is not a race and everyone has their own path to success. 


Written by: Nevy Widya Pangestika

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